She said her name was "party"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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