if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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