Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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