remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
