I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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