I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
