I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
