I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
