Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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