Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
