Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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