Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
