I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
