Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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