i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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