coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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