just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
