hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
