I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
