I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
