yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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