how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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