no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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