He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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