my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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