So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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