hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
