If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
