She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
