I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
