is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
