also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
