How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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