Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
