in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
