Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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