Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
