you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
