i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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