I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
