you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
third nipple confirmed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
