Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
