But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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