; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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