I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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