She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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