So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
