It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
