chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
