As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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