just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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