I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
