How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
