literally had 100 drinks last night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
