Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
