i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
