we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
