He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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