Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
