making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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