i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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