So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
