scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
