That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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