she was so not down for the gang bang
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
