my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize