good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
