Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
