if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dear god my vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
