i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
