you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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