It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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