Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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